Satirical Wordsmith Gifts

'My career goals? Writing political attack ads would combine my love of blogging and bullying.'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Cat Towels

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Best Seller

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'They call me Portugese Man of War, but I'm really just a jellyfish of love.'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Mother Goose's Haiku

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

A Poet

'He never listened to his mother!'

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

Shakespeare Ave

You trip on it, you buy it.

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"I think that I shall never see a lawsuit lovely as a tree." "Don't go soft on us, Lenny."

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."