Imaginative Wordsmiths Gifts

"I want to write what I know, but all In know is writing workshops."

Reading my Critics

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Cat Towels

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

Best Seller

'They call me Portugese Man of War, but I'm really just a jellyfish of love.'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Mother Goose's Haiku

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

'He never listened to his mother!'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

A Poet

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

You trip on it, you buy it.

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."