Wordsmiths With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

"I wrote you a poem about how much I want to sh*g you!"

Campaign for Plain English

Reading my Critics

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Cat Towels

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

'There it is, 'Twerk', right next to 'Twerp'.'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

Ruddy bloggers!

'He was a great writer'

Jorge Luis Borges

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

Best Seller

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

'They call me Portugese Man of War, but I'm really just a jellyfish of love.'

'Not now, dear, I'm trying to listen to the Muse.'

'Ed is a man of few words. And few letters.'

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

"Caption contest"

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"I know R&D feels that the product warrants at least two 'really'."

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Snail: 'Do you mean to tell me I'm not a credible author?!'

"My creative writing professor suggested that I write about what I know...from my own experience!"

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

Weapens of Mass Instruction

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

"I love you, I'll follow you to the ends of the earth, but I'm through getting slippers for someone who hasn't published anything since 1997."

A Poet

Collected works