Romantic Wordsmiths Gifts

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

'The springal wondered if his popsy was a giglet.'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

I think you're ace

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

Best Seller

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'They call me Portugese Man of War, but I'm really just a jellyfish of love.'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

Mother Goose's Haiku

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

Intellectual Foreplay...

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

'He never listened to his mother!'

Sharp Eyes

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

A Poet

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"