Quirky Wordsmith Gifts

'Please sir, I did give you the correct answer. But, you gave me the wrong question.'

'The best the grotty magus could do was produce a footy pagurid.'

Shakespeare Ave

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Cat Towels

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Best Seller

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'They call me Portugese Man of War, but I'm really just a jellyfish of love.'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

Mother Goose's Haiku

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'He never listened to his mother!'

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

Sharp Eyes

You trip on it, you buy it.

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

A Poet

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

Bell Hop