Flirty Wordsmith Gifts

'I'm dropping you a lion.'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Cat Towels

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

I think you're ace

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Best Seller

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

Mother Goose's Haiku

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Do you call this spaghetti'

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

Intellectual Foreplay...

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

You trip on it, you buy it.

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

A Poet

'He never listened to his mother!'

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

Shakespeare Ave

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

Sharp Eyes