Whatchamacallit Wordsmith Gifts

"See this thingamabob attached to your whatchamacallit? That’s the doohickey I was afraid of."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

Torturing the English Language

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Meet The Author"

Edgar Allen Poe

"Do me next."

First Novels.

"She's been so creative lately."

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Cut Price

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Why can't we have a texting bee?'

Backfire

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

Someone who knows apostrophes

Why we need poetry. . .

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

What's normal?

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'