Investment Wordsmith Gifts

"Eddie, thanks to GPS, we no longer say your stocks are dropping. We say 'recalculating'."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Thru versus Through Traffic

Torturing the English Language

"Meet The Author"

"Do me next."

"She's been so creative lately."

First Novels.

Edgar Allen Poe

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'Why can't we have a texting bee?'

Cut Price

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Backfire

Someone who knows apostrophes

Why we need poetry. . .

What's normal?

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'