Reality Skeptic Gifts

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

'From what I've been hearing about it, I'm not sure I want a grip on reality.'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"The news is so fake, the ads are beginning to look honest."

"God works in mysterious ways."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"Eventually the leaders of every religion say 'We spoke to God and he wants you to give us money.' ...Every. Single. One."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"I totally meant to do that."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Book signing The Art Of Forgery - "Gee thanks, Oprah Winfrey."

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

Science deniers Soc.

"Dad just told me a weird stork story. He must be a creationist."