Reality Tv Sceptic Gifts

"You know what? I'm still not interested in Bruce Jenner."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

'Bloody streakers - they have a lot to learn.'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"Do you, Halfomild Tellycelebrtipewhoo-hoo, promise to brush up on matters such as the Hadron Collider?"

TV and cleaner

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"Am I through to the next round?"

America's funniest election gaffes

Derren Brown: Pushed to the Edge

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

I can now come clean. The person who secretly told me that Mitch McConnell loves Dr. Pimple Popper is … Hold it! Hold it? Commercial break. Nothing' says sexy like cholesterol.

'No, I've never been in a TV reality show. My reality is pretty well scripted by my wife, kids and boss.'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

The big questions in life.

Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs on the Maury show: "I have the DNA results right here!"

Virtual Reality Shop. I think our business here will expand as actual reality becomes more and more unbelievable.

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'Welcome to Reputation Makeover! Tonight, my team and I will try to repair the tattered reputations of those appearing on other reality shows!'

Life stripped bare

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

"This new reality show is boring and stupid!" "You're watching the news!"

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

The Apprentice: Recession Special.

"The voices in my head want to sing on 'American Idol.'"