Realistic Thinkers Gifts

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

'My dad says job security and company loyalty are an urban myth.'

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

Reasonableman

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

What can I get you? An explanation for why we haven't gone back to the moon. Would you like the rational explanation or the Youtube explanation? Rational would be lovely, please. Ok. We never went back to the moon because there was no reason to. The whole point of Apollo was to reassure the free world that we could beat the Soviet Union. Mission accomplished. Oh ... that's it? Well, that's rather bland. Could I exchange that for the Youtube explanation? The lizard-men who live on the film set wh

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

From what I hear, the Atwood Intuition Tank is coming up with results faster than we are.

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Have you considered a career in travel brochures?

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

'The economy today got a boost from Alan Greenspan, who said it's O.K. to be irrationally exuberant.'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

Inbox and Outbox

"The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services. . . The good news is that we can now tell people in 23 languages what we don't do anymore!"

"I can be perfect for only one hour a day."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

August Comte

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'Management doesn't think we have a staffing problem...Apparently all we need to do is to use our imagination.'

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

The Dungeon

"It breaks my heart to see you stressed out here at work, so you're fired."

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."