Rank Humorist Gifts

'Does grandma still outrank you?'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

Jungle Games

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

Champagne at the hunt

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

Mouse real estate!

'You'll get a promotion when hell freezes over.'

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

'Yes, I did tell you to hang the fire extinguisher where it would be easy to reach, but...'

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

Circus Stilt-Walker with Girlfriend.

"That's still too high"

'True, I'm a robot, but I'm programmed to be a people person.'

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

Circus trousers

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."

'Ageism at work'

'The bad news is he wants to be a jockey.'

'I don't set the rules, but you do need to accept that you're a pony and move on Brian!'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Now playing 'Downsized and out' - a movie based on Ed Benson's resume.

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.