Rank Humorist Gifts

'Does grandma still outrank you?'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

Jungle Games

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

Mouse real estate!

'You'll get a promotion when hell freezes over.'

Champagne at the hunt

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

'Yes, I did tell you to hang the fire extinguisher where it would be easy to reach, but...'

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

Circus Stilt-Walker with Girlfriend.

"That's still too high"

'True, I'm a robot, but I'm programmed to be a people person.'

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

Circus trousers

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."

'Ageism at work'

'The bad news is he wants to be a jockey.'

'I don't set the rules, but you do need to accept that you're a pony and move on Brian!'

'He's at the pinnacle, but not at the pinnacle of his PROFESSION.'

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.

'Coach - do you know the definition for 'losing coach''

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

2 trilobites; 'So what are you going to be when you die - oil or gas?'