404 Humorists Gifts

Woman with an error page face.

Polly txt speak

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Alien embryo growing in earth.

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

The First Fire Stick

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

Giant Monster in Bath

"She's a miniature."

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

Chasebook

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"He looks just like your husband."

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'No worries Grizella, let me call my 'eye of newt' guy...'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

Why Superman flies himself