Thought-provoking Humorists Gifts

Non handicapped parking only.

Polly txt speak

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

The First Fire Stick

Alien embryo growing in earth.

"Puss in cement boots"

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

"She's a miniature."

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

Giant Monster in Bath

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

"He looks just like your husband."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'No worries Grizella, let me call my 'eye of newt' guy...'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

Why Superman flies himself

"Neversource"