Ranch Living Gifts

Dang! My shorts are riding up on me again!

A cat has caught a cow which it is dragging through it's cat flap.

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

New Guy.

"They're comfortable."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

'Awright...Who's the dirty, lowdown varmint who's copyin' my plaid-shirt-and-stone-wash-jeans-with-matching-boots-and-vest ensemble?'

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

A Highlander Chasing Dogs with a Knife and a Broom.

Motorherd

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

'I had to overcome stereotypical misunderstandings about who makes a good leader.'

"They’re real."

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"You were the one who thought it was too dangerous to raise a child in the big city."

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

"Yup! Its time to feed the cattle."

"The Taco is good on the trail but where do I put the drink?"

"The new house is almost ready!"

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"Waving the hat keeps the cattle moving and lets my hair get some highlights."

Farmers' Warnings.

'Another nice thing about working here, they tend to promote from within.'

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

'Wait, Doc, wait! My cow's still in your chute!'

'He's the best bull I've ever had.'

A boy who loves cows/burgers

'Mama! Aliens.'

Sick Rancher Humor