Ranch Dweller Gifts

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

Country Bumpkin.

Cat says of armadillo, 'It's one of those big armored rats.'

"As near as I can figure, we're in the Unpainted Desert!"

Dang! My shorts are riding up on me again!

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"The only problem with living at the top of a mountain is the constant stream of people coming to ask stupid questions."

Mohammad's motors

'Have you had a brazilian?'

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Florist "Say it with cacti"

'All right. I'll count sheep, but I thought we were cattlemen.'

'If you're not doing anything, come on over and we'll shoot the bull!'

"We missed Fashion Week!"

OM, SWEET OM

'Wow! Look everyone, Tarquin's lassooed a snake!'

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

'We can't really play Hide and Seek, there's nowhere to hide on the plains...'

"She just loves them - she's a total girl horse."

Bumper Stickers on a Cowboy's Horse

'I'm really thirsty.'

You have the flu. Get plenty of rest and avoid lots of fluids.

"Efficiency tombs available"

Ranch Dressing

"This is one of those beautiful summer days when I'm flooded with memories of things that never happened to me."

Man crawls out of avalanche to see two rescue dogs relaxing.

'On the other hand, it does have a certain charm.'

'Don't just stand there! Take me to your leader!'

All the other land having been claimed and fenced already, Jedidiah bought his own range from the big box store.

Cowboy Slippers

Boss, I got your memo. Why can't I talk about the ancient pyramids with the patrons? You misread that, minion. I want you to talk about the pyramids even more. Throw in the Sphinx, while you're at it. I've noticed a 4.35 spike in sales of cold drinks every time you bring up desert-based topics. You're taking all the fun out of human interaction. From now on, you're to carry around a small cactus at all times.

"I'm sleeping in today. I got in late from last night's orgy."

'Hey, scratch my back and I'll scratch your back.'

'Ma, come see what just crawled out of the woodpile.'