Ranch Dweller T-Shirts

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

Country Bumpkin.

Cat says of armadillo, 'It's one of those big armored rats.'

"As near as I can figure, we're in the Unpainted Desert!"

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"The only problem with living at the top of a mountain is the constant stream of people coming to ask stupid questions."

Mohammad's motors

'Have you had a brazilian?'

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

'All right. I'll count sheep, but I thought we were cattlemen.'

Florist "Say it with cacti"

"She just loves them - she's a total girl horse."

"We missed Fashion Week!"

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

'We can't really play Hide and Seek, there's nowhere to hide on the plains...'

OM, SWEET OM

'Wow! Look everyone, Tarquin's lassooed a snake!'

Bumper Stickers on a Cowboy's Horse

'I'm really thirsty.'

Ranch Dressing

"Efficiency tombs available"

You have the flu. Get plenty of rest and avoid lots of fluids.

"This is one of those beautiful summer days when I'm flooded with memories of things that never happened to me."

Man crawls out of avalanche to see two rescue dogs relaxing.

'Hey, scratch my back and I'll scratch your back.'

"I'm sleeping in today. I got in late from last night's orgy."

Cowboy Slippers

'Ma, come see what just crawled out of the woodpile.'

'Mom, I think it's time I graduated to a full size horse.'

'Don't just stand there! Take me to your leader!'

All the other land having been claimed and fenced already, Jedidiah bought his own range from the big box store.

"Speed bumps have reduced stampede injuries."