Ranch Life Enthusiast Gifts

F&E Ranch. If it's all the same to you, I'd prefer a tattoo.

"Still getting migraines?"

"Sorry, but they call themselves cowboys: so they must love us more than they love their horses..."

"Speed bumps have reduced stampede injuries."

"You gelded my cows?!"

Cow caught on barbed wire.

"How do ya like that? Just when I finish cleaning up from one dust storm, here comes another!"

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

Dang! My shorts are riding up on me again!

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"Static cling."

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

Twitter that!

'All right. I'll count sheep, but I thought we were cattlemen.'

'Another nice thing about working here, they tend to promote from within.'

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

'Yes, we have a very diversified economy around here.'

'If you're not doing anything, come on over and we'll shoot the bull!'

"Ok Lassie, cut out the smart arse bit and just herd the sheep."

'Wow! Look everyone, Tarquin's lassooed a snake!'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

"She just loves them - she's a total girl horse."

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

Bumper Stickers on a Cowboy's Horse

Boy, this stuff's hard to swallow!

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

Ranch Dressing

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

'My practice is limited to small animals, Sir....'

I've been doing sit-ups!

Cowboy Slippers

"Quick! Get your gun, Pa! Here come the suburbs."

Cultivating Toughness in Footballs.