Ranch Enthusiast Gifts

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

'Yep, this is quite a spread you've got, Bobbie Joe!'

'No, I own the cattle. He's the vet!'

'Italian, Russian or Ranch?'

'He's on steeroids.'

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

'All right. I'll count sheep, but I thought we were cattlemen.'

Twitter that!

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

'Another nice thing about working here, they tend to promote from within.'

'Yes, we have a very diversified economy around here.'

'If you're not doing anything, come on over and we'll shoot the bull!'

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

"Ok Lassie, cut out the smart arse bit and just herd the sheep."

Boy, this stuff's hard to swallow!

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

Welcome to the urban farm. A bit of country in the city.

Ranch Dressing

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

"Hold up ... where’s the ranch dressing?"

"I didn't know you liked ranch so much."

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

'My practice is limited to small animals, Sir....'

I've been doing sit-ups!

All the other land having been claimed and fenced already, Jedidiah bought his own range from the big box store.

Slow, Men at Work.

Just another day at Helium Farm

'This is the Polled Texas Longhorn - the breed of the future!'

"Speed bumps have reduced stampede injuries."

'Wilbur, I'm afraid the patient is no longer in stable condition.'

"Quick! Get your gun, Pa! Here come the suburbs."

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'