Ranch Aficionado Gifts

"Can I help it if my shoes don't last?"

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

'I was just playing rodeo and breaking horses.'

Bubble Gum Farms.

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"Static cling."

'All right. I'll count sheep, but I thought we were cattlemen.'

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

'If you're not doing anything, come on over and we'll shoot the bull!'

"Hold up ... where’s the ranch dressing?"

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

Ranch Dressing

"I didn't know you liked ranch so much."

'This is the Polled Texas Longhorn - the breed of the future!'

"Speed bumps have reduced stampede injuries."

Cultivating Toughness in Footballs.

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

All the other land having been claimed and fenced already, Jedidiah bought his own range from the big box store.

Surburban Joys - Haymaking.

'No, I own the cattle. He's the vet!'

'Can't understand all this fuss over cattle growth hormones.'

"It's broken I'm afraid." "Will I be able to work?" "Depends. What do you do?" "Oh, I'm just a cowpoke for Circle 'Y' Ranch."

'I'm a fat cattle buyer.'

'He's on steeroids.'

The awesome new CZ 1000 Cowasaki.

'Those Texas Longhorns are sure good mothers, Doc.'

Daisy was adamant she was not going to give any of her milk away today!

"And how’s my grass-fed, hormone-free cash cow doing today?"

"Yep, I agree: It's pure torture when he plays his harmonica around the campfire..."

"They've just got a better grade of weed over there!"

"You gelded my cows?!"

'Yes, I am looking for an experienced cattleman.'

"You must have given him a lot of fertilizer."

'Italian, Russian or Ranch?'

Bovine Adrenaline Junkies.