Ranch Aficionado Gifts

"Can I help it if my shoes don't last?"

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

'I was just playing rodeo and breaking horses.'

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"Static cling."

'All right. I'll count sheep, but I thought we were cattlemen.'

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

Ranch Dressing

"Hold up ... where’s the ranch dressing?"

"I didn't know you liked ranch so much."

All the other land having been claimed and fenced already, Jedidiah bought his own range from the big box store.

'This is the Polled Texas Longhorn - the breed of the future!'

Cultivating Toughness in Footballs.

"Speed bumps have reduced stampede injuries."

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

Surburban Joys - Haymaking.

'No, I own the cattle. He's the vet!'

'Can't understand all this fuss over cattle growth hormones.'

"It's broken I'm afraid." "Will I be able to work?" "Depends. What do you do?" "Oh, I'm just a cowpoke for Circle 'Y' Ranch."

'He's on steeroids.'

The awesome new CZ 1000 Cowasaki.

'I'm a fat cattle buyer.'

'Those Texas Longhorns are sure good mothers, Doc.'

Daisy was adamant she was not going to give any of her milk away today!

"And how’s my grass-fed, hormone-free cash cow doing today?"

"Yep, I agree: It's pure torture when he plays his harmonica around the campfire..."

"They've just got a better grade of weed over there!"

'My human puts two scoops of chaff, one scoop of nuts, 1/4 scoop of feed balancer, a scoop of garlic, herbs, salt, mood calmer, electrolytes and more into my feed every day. But you just can't beat this stuff!'

"You gelded my cows?!"

'Yes, I am looking for an experienced cattleman.'

"You must have given him a lot of fertilizer."

'... And don't worry. Lots of cowboys walk that way.'

"One horsepower, and yours?"