Ranch Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm a fat cattle buyer.'

"Yep, I agree: It's pure torture when he plays his harmonica around the campfire..."

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

I fart more than that!

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

A Venus cow trap.

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

"Speed bumps have reduced stampede injuries."

COWS: Spare cow

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

....aaaand.... HELICOPTER!

Early American Think tank

"We live so far away that the postman posts our mail to us."

'I don't know if she's gonna be much good. I don't think she's even registered.'

'No, I own the cattle. He's the vet!'

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

Nice six-pack!

Close, but no cigar!

'Of course there is room for advancement. You certainly can't go down from here.'

Cow cleaning his teeth with string.

I think we need to lose the 'Singing Ringing Tree'!

Thanks for the tip. Come again!