Ranch Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm a fat cattle buyer.'

"Yep, I agree: It's pure torture when he plays his harmonica around the campfire..."

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

I fart more than that!

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

A Venus cow trap.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

COWS: Spare cow

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

....aaaand.... HELICOPTER!

Early American Think tank

"We live so far away that the postman posts our mail to us."

"Speed bumps have reduced stampede injuries."

'I don't know if she's gonna be much good. I don't think she's even registered.'

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

'No, I own the cattle. He's the vet!'

Nice six-pack!

Close, but no cigar!

'Of course there is room for advancement. You certainly can't go down from here.'

Thanks for the tip. Come again!

"I stink... therefore, I am."

'He's on steeroids.'

Cow cleaning his teeth with string.