Ranch Humorist Gifts

'I hope you didn't pay too much for him, Sam....'

'I told you the electric fence would come in handy.'

"If you roped your cowhand by mistake, turn to page 21..."

Post season in ranching is much less exciting than postseason in sports.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

I fart more than that!

"Static cling."

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

A Venus cow trap.

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'

Shocking cows and chickens with the ingredients of the cake.

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"What do you mean I eat as though I was born in a barn? I WAS born in a barn."

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...