Ranch Humorist Gifts

'I hope you didn't pay too much for him, Sam....'

'I told you the electric fence would come in handy.'

"If you roped your cowhand by mistake, turn to page 21..."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

I fart more than that!

A Venus cow trap.

"Static cling."

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"What do you mean I eat as though I was born in a barn? I WAS born in a barn."

"I call it 'Moona Lisa'."

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

"Ok, let's try it one last time. It's 'Ahhhhhh'..."

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."