Ranch Humor Gifts

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

I fart more than that!

A Venus cow trap.

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

"What do you mean I eat as though I was born in a barn? I WAS born in a barn."

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

Hedge of two moo cows

Cow has caught a frisby in his udders

COWS: Spare cow

....aaaand.... HELICOPTER!

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

'I don't know if she's gonna be much good. I don't think she's even registered.'

"We live so far away that the postman posts our mail to us."

Early American Think tank

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

Nice six-pack!

Close, but no cigar!

'Of course there is room for advancement. You certainly can't go down from here.'

'I think I've worked out why they fed us so well.'

'Sure, they're invaders, but you have to agree: Those Vikings have great helmets!'

Thanks for the tip. Come again!

I think we need to lose the 'Singing Ringing Tree'!

"Can you milk a cow?"