Ranch Humor Gifts

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

I fart more than that!

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

A Venus cow trap.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

"What do you mean I eat as though I was born in a barn? I WAS born in a barn."

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

"We live so far away that the postman posts our mail to us."

Cow has caught a frisby in his udders

'I don't know if she's gonna be much good. I don't think she's even registered.'

COWS: Spare cow

Hedge of two moo cows

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

....aaaand.... HELICOPTER!

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

Early American Think tank

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

Close, but no cigar!

'Of course there is room for advancement. You certainly can't go down from here.'

Nice six-pack!

I think we need to lose the 'Singing Ringing Tree'!

'Got any cud flavour?'

Thanks for the tip. Come again!

"I stink... therefore, I am."

'Sure, they're invaders, but you have to agree: Those Vikings have great helmets!'