Ranch Humorists Gifts

'Havin' a favorite cow is one thing, but that's downright ridiculous.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

I fart more than that!

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"Static cling."

A Venus cow trap.

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

"What do you mean I eat as though I was born in a barn? I WAS born in a barn."

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

"Ok, let's try it one last time. It's 'Ahhhhhh'..."

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

Grassy breath?

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

Early American Think tank

'She says her stomachs ache.'

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.