Ranch Life Rider Gifts

"The Taco is good on the trail but where do I put the drink?"

Lamb Noise.

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

'Wait, Doc, wait! My cow's still in your chute!'

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

'Another nice thing about working here, they tend to promote from within.'

'All right. I'll count sheep, but I thought we were cattlemen.'

'If you're not doing anything, come on over and we'll shoot the bull!'

'Oh, I plow the fields, Greta takes care of the house, and young Johan, here, maintains the website.'

"She just loves them - she's a total girl horse."

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

Modern Calamities. Farmer in the Dell. Do something Maw

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

'Wow! Look everyone, Tarquin's lassooed a snake!'

"And when someone gets your goat, what do you suppose it is that keeps you from going and getting it back?"

Bumper Stickers on a Cowboy's Horse

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'Oh Yeah! It's frosty! BOO-YAH!'

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

Ranch Dressing

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

"I can't afford to feed you."

'My practice is limited to small animals, Sir....'

Welcome to a Sleepy Little Town - name available on request.

"Speed bumps have reduced stampede injuries."

All the other land having been claimed and fenced already, Jedidiah bought his own range from the big box store.

'Wilbur, I'm afraid the patient is no longer in stable condition.'

Cultivating Toughness in Footballs.

"Daisy, Daisy, I've seen the farmer filling in the forms: We're going to the Agricultural Show!"

'I love you guys!'

Slow, Men at Work.

COW. JUST COW.

'This is the Polled Texas Longhorn - the breed of the future!'