Racehorse Owner Gifts

First past the post.

'I can't stand to see an animal in pain....'

"You had no trouble making the weight then?"

"I never had a moments doubt."

"I never had a moments doubt."

"...and those are cheese and cucumber..."

Race Horses See Big People.

"He's got form."

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

The Cat's Alarm Clock

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

'Was Monty the culprit? Had he fixed a horse race? He couldn't remember.'

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

'...and what do doctors recommend for pain?'

'This is my new boat. I finally succumbed to pier pressure.'

Remounts for the Yeomanry

"I had no alternative Mr. Prendergast. Your daughter fell and broke her leg."

'She thinks of them as her children...'

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

"Me, I've quit racing. I was very good at it, but I just couldn't hack the early training sessions..."

'What I wouldn't give to be a lager lout again!'

"Don't get me wrong, I like apples, but for some reason, that seems to be the only treat they ever give us..."

'Don't put any money on him. I saw him placing a bet on the favourite.'

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

A great bargain. - To be sold - the property of an officer going abroad

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

Panto Horse at the Races

Competitive Horse at the Racetracks.

'Yes, it's toxic, but look: If the host dies, the worms die too!'

'At a glnace, I'd say you've got a dodgy starter.'