Racehorse Owner Pillows

First past the post.

'I can't stand to see an animal in pain....'

"You had no trouble making the weight then?"

"I never had a moments doubt."

"I never had a moments doubt."

"...and those are cheese and cucumber..."

Race Horses See Big People.

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

The Cat's Alarm Clock

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

'...and what do doctors recommend for pain?'

'Was Monty the culprit? Had he fixed a horse race? He couldn't remember.'

'This is my new boat. I finally succumbed to pier pressure.'

"I had no alternative Mr. Prendergast. Your daughter fell and broke her leg."

Remounts for the Yeomanry

"Me, I've quit racing. I was very good at it, but I just couldn't hack the early training sessions..."

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

'She thinks of them as her children...'

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

'What I wouldn't give to be a lager lout again!'

A great bargain. - To be sold - the property of an officer going abroad

"Don't get me wrong, I like apples, but for some reason, that seems to be the only treat they ever give us..."

Panto Horse at the Races

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

'Don't put any money on him. I saw him placing a bet on the favourite.'

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

Competitive Horse at the Racetracks.

'Yes, it's toxic, but look: If the host dies, the worms die too!'

Owner: 'Why didn't you ride as I told you? Didn't I tell you to force the pace early and come away at the corner?' Jockey: 'Yes m'Lord, but I couldn't very well leave the horse behind.'

'At a glnace, I'd say you've got a dodgy starter.'