Horse Farmer Pillows

'Wow! I thought sleeping sickness came from sleeping with the wrong people!'

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

The worm that churned!

"Old timers are quick to tell me that the drive to Abilene was different in their day."

First past the post.

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'I can't stand to see an animal in pain....'

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

'...and what do doctors recommend for pain?'

'...OK so you've got the herd mentality... now go out tere and be a herd... now move!'

First there were virtual-pets. Now there are virtual owners and ranchers.

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

Remounts for the Yeomanry

"We raise our beef humanely."

'Oi! We're your nipples you idiot!'

Shepherd

The first stock exchange - 'It's agreed then, one of my Longhorns for one of your holsteins.'

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

'Mom! Hunter keeps saying I'm not a thoroughbred. Can you show him my papers?'

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

"I know you're thinking it. Don't say it!"

'Can't understand all this fuss over cattle growth hormones.'

Cattle farmer's super-market

A great bargain. - To be sold - the property of an officer going abroad

"Do you know how many cows it takes to make all these burgers?"

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

"Actually, these are more valuable than the golden ones now."

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

Farmer to son: 'For heaven's sake Jeb! Get Bessie out of that tall grass now! Can't you see she's full of ticks?!'

Race Horses See Big People.

"And now read the bottom sirloin, farmer Brown."

"Don't get me wrong, I like apples, but for some reason, that seems to be the only treat they ever give us..."

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

"We're raising them for turkey bacon."