Horse Farmers Gifts

"If a horse's head is pointing south, where is the tail pointing?"

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

And you will know it has all be worth it when he's up and about again.

"They haven't mated yet, but I think we're getting close."

Man in office on saddle: 'You heard right. I just got hired as a desk jockey.'

'Look Daddy: I'm wearing Mummy's shoes...'

"A horse by any other mane would small as sweat."

"Old timers are quick to tell me that the drive to Abilene was different in their day."

'I think I felt a foal. Why don't we run a blood test to be sure?'

The worm that churned!

First past the post.

Horse takes its owner for a walk.

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

Knight sees sign near castle: 'Prince's Parking, All Others Will Be Toad.'

"She just loves them - she's a total girl horse."

'Impressive resume, but frankly, in your line of work, people just want to check your teeth...'

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

"I'm a huge proponent of control over speed."

Stubborn Horses

'I can't stand to see an animal in pain....'

'I'm stressed: My dad was a champion, my mum was a champion, there's a lot of pressure on me to become a champion...'

First there were virtual-pets. Now there are virtual owners and ranchers.

Horse Clean-up

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

'...and what do doctors recommend for pain?'

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

'...OK so you've got the herd mentality... now go out tere and be a herd... now move!'

"Hundreds of eggs a year, and I've never seen a vet. The Mare has one foal, and it's the Mayo Clinic."

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

Stout gentleman: 'That's the way to get over a gate! I don't think you left me so far behind that time.'

'When I drink, I don't drive my car.'

"So then in comes this good-looking French vet from Vétérinaires sans Frontirères."

'It's a hybrid.'