Horse Breeder Gifts

'Stop trying to nurse me, I'm a shetland pony. We're raised to be like this. . . Lord knows why.'

'I'm in foal with Sir Roger this time.'

"He just heard he's going to stud!"

'The new penalty for soring Walking Horses provides for soring of the sorer!...

'Presenting the award for the most improved horse of the year....'

'Hank Ballerback was a brilliant breeder. But his lilliputian horses were rather a flop.'

'My mother was a race horse. My father was a stablehand who got five years for sodomy.'

'Now that she is pregnant, can she have a rhinoceros injection and a Catholic operation?

'Now, to get her pregnant, we'll have to use some hormone therapy.'

'Are you playing hoofsie with me?'

Carousel Ponies.

'We can't go any faster, sir. Nellie is pregnant.'

'Bad news, Billy Bob! The tests show that your phantom is a contagious equine meteitis carrier.'

'I was betting you wouldn't show.'

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

"Retirement options from racing? There are probably only two: a stud farm if you're the winner, the knackery if you're a loser..."

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

"This breed comes from a long line of horses dating back to the ancient Greeks."

"They breed the finest racehorses in the world...'

"Horses? What horses?"

Quarter horse racing at The Freakness

'What he needs to make him win, I can't give him....

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

"I'm being put out to stud."

'Mom! Hunter keeps saying I'm not a thoroughbred. Can you show him my papers?'

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

Men using horse terminology to talk about people

Two Men Discussing A Horse.

Man hiring a horse

A man seeking to buy a horse.

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"