Livestock Breeder Gifts

A cattle baron.

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

Chase me, chase me cows.

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"Cross-breeding oops #1." "The Cougadooodle"

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

'Well, they're just great for running down gazelles and jackals!'

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

'Another blond hair! You've been making a lot of night calls lately...'

"His father came from a family of climbers."

Puppies

'Sorry Ben, I never noticed the baby-sitting clause in the stud contract.'

Sick Rancher Humor

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

Fred and Nancy believed that their mutual love of a good sale would be enough to overcome 'the species issue'... but they were wrong.

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

Standard Poodle/Substandard Poodle

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

'I see Farmer Grayson is off to dust the crops again!'

Good, but not Great Danes.

'He's an octopussy. They're specially bred to catch over 100 mice an hour.'

"Congratulations. It's a litter."

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

"The guy I bought him from says he's a pure sheepdog."

Dog Show: Worst of Breed

Standard Poodle/Substandard Poodle

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'