Quirky Joke Fan Gifts

'Disorganized Crime.'

'Don't look at me that way, I am allergic to being eaten.'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Shampoo.

Theatre Masks and Butts

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Social Distancing Club

Introducing...Anagraman.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Cat with Nine Still Lives

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

'Check out the old dude.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

"Do you do much walking?"

The Pencil and Sharpener

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.