Quirky Joke Fans Gifts

"Stop whining- I'm also an only child."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

Theatre Masks and Butts

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Fresh pepper?"

Introducing...Anagraman.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

'Check out the old dude.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

"Has anyone turned in a chicken?"

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

The Pencil and Sharpener

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

"Not tonight. The furniture is sentient again."

Hot cross buns

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

So You've Cloned Yourself

Before they settled on water, shower pioneers experimented with a number of alternatives, including spaghetti,

Mouse with a cat cake.

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"