Quirky Humor Buffs Gifts

"You might want to get that fly off your face."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Theatre Masks and Butts

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Party Twenty Three

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Introducing...Anagraman.

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Astral Projection

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Fresh pepper?"

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'Check out the old dude.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"Got any bathtub gin?"

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.