Quirky Humor Lovers Gifts

"Packaging waste is bad for the environment. That's why we're selling canned soup without cans."

Hoard

'Perhaps you could give him a touch of astigmatism, kids with glasses are sooo cute!'

'Do you have this chart in Big Print'

Live goldfish for sale

Dicky's fear of water made him something of a social outcast.

'Watch that one, he'll make mugs of us all.'

Fish hooking an old boot to a fishing line.

Lab tech tosses hypodermic needles at dartboard.

Teddies They Rejected

'I'm sure it would make a very nice home, but it still gives me the creeps.'

"Mabel, this rabbit ear transplant is not working. I still can't hear that dang T.V.!"

Clinic For Those With One Leg: Wipe Your Foot.

"My turn next!"

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

So You've Cloned Yourself

"Stop calling everything Kafka-esque

Man with a wooden leg asking to be measured for a pair of boots

'Your suspicious nature is going to cost you an extra fifty dollars a month.' - ACME Insurance Co.

Why us? Nobody else has to get in a row.

Abrupt end to Red Feather's scouting career.

'Would you like to leave a message? At the moment, he's in a meeting with his field hands.'

'Place your order by speaking into the mike...or I could move closer.'

'Hello George old boy! I wonder if you and Margaret would be interested in buying your gas and electricity from us?' - (Power Station in garden)

Trying to rectify the Leaning Tower of Pisa

"It's a pluot—an apricot that self-identifies as a plum."

"Give him a chance, I say. I mean what the hell is a hundred days?"

I'm sorry, Miss, Axel isn't here right now, but

"That's guy's got 12 personalities...address his bill 'To Whom It May Concern.'"

"To continue, press the 'star' key. If you're thinking to yourself, 'That looks more like an asterisk that a star,' you should lighten up."

"Why can't we be normal Siamese twins like everybody else?"

"... and make sure your head is on the fan. That's the best place for a nap."

"Birthdays . . . are like farts. Sometimes. . . they're s**t."

"Ordering groceries online can be unpredictable."

"I guess that bone's a goner..."