Quirky Humor Aficionados Gifts

Change (Man changing).

Village People Auditions.

'It was my late grandmother's. She would've wanted you to have it.'

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

'I drink to remember.'

'What did I say - take the strange blue pills out of their pockets before you eat people!'

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

"I looked. Up in the the sky. It was a bird."

The crown

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

"There's the evidence of our mouse problem!"

'This one here would probably be best for you; It prefers partial shade, needs little water and grows best in esoteric single-panel cartoons.'

'I never saw a guy like him!'

"You forget sometimes how much football owes to the dance."

'I'm addicted to being against drugs!'

Pirate playing pool using his artificial leg as a pool stick.

No, that's the garbage disposal.

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"You left this on our ship."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Theatre Masks and Butts

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

Astral Projection

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Introducing...Anagraman.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

"Fresh pepper?"