Quirky Humor Lovers Pillows

"Packaging waste is bad for the environment. That's why we're selling canned soup without cans."

Hoard

'Perhaps you could give him a touch of astigmatism, kids with glasses are sooo cute!'

'Do you have this chart in Big Print'

Live goldfish for sale

Dicky's fear of water made him something of a social outcast.

'Watch that one, he'll make mugs of us all.'

Lab tech tosses hypodermic needles at dartboard.

Teddies They Rejected

Fish hooking an old boot to a fishing line.

Man with a wooden leg asking to be measured for a pair of boots

"Stop calling everything Kafka-esque

So You've Cloned Yourself

"My turn next!"

'Your suspicious nature is going to cost you an extra fifty dollars a month.' - ACME Insurance Co.

'Hello George old boy! I wonder if you and Margaret would be interested in buying your gas and electricity from us?' - (Power Station in garden)

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

'Would you like to leave a message? At the moment, he's in a meeting with his field hands.'

Clinic For Those With One Leg: Wipe Your Foot.

'Place your order by speaking into the mike...or I could move closer.'

Abrupt end to Red Feather's scouting career.

Trying to rectify the Leaning Tower of Pisa

"Fresh pepper?"

"Not tonight. The furniture is sentient again."

"Who put back an empty jar of formaldehyde?"

"It's a pluot—an apricot that self-identifies as a plum."

"Give him a chance, I say. I mean what the hell is a hundred days?"

"1-800 Herd of Elephants."

For Summer Comfort...The Seersucker Mammoth:

"The gods are antic tonight."

"I guess that bone's a goner..."

"Ordering groceries online can be unpredictable."

"Birthdays . . . are like farts. Sometimes. . . they're s**t."

"... and make sure your head is on the fan. That's the best place for a nap."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"