Quirky Jail Tale Fan Gifts

'Why, you no-good bum! -- You just sprained my wrist!'

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 10

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

After this embarrassing incident, the woman who lived in a shoe finally checked herself into odor-eaters anonymous.

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack In the Big House

"Police Dept Agnes 153216 Disorderly Pecking" "Police Dept Agnes 153216 Disorderly Pecking" "Police Dept Bucky 141338 Burglary, Wooden Leg" "Police Dept Bucky 141338 Burglary, Wooden Leg"

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

You gonna eat your pickle?

"No ham in this, I hope?"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

A prison with a conservatory attached.

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

I knew that guy was bad news.

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'I just can't figure it out.'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'Hey. You're back.'

'Now, we can't guarantee that this kind of brain surgery will change his disposition.'

De Luxe Outfit for the Cat Burglar

Robber running from cop hides in "whacky, waving, inflatable arm flailing tube man".

Do you believe in free love?

"Each time I was told to put myself in another man's shoes, I walk away in 'em."

'Does this orange jumpsuit make my butt look big?'

'This wine is made from fermented raisins by convicts in the state penitentiary...'

'Want a cracker?'

'I demand a new cellmate! -- that bum you put me with is a thief!'

Mugger Awaits Pizza Boy With Rolling Pizza Cutter

"I'd like a quick word with you after visiting time."

No caption. (Two jail cell inmates are seen looking at each other. One is a human, one a mouse. There are bars on the cell window and bars shown on the mouse hole).

'Mr. Clark, if you ever want to have a bath with your favourite rubber duck again, we want two loaves of fresh white bread! And don't even think of calling the cops!'

'Nothing to be concerned about -- just some stretch marks.'

"Mum's really looking forward to seeing you soon, Dad... And she wants to know how the tunnel's coming along."

"Unfortunately, my crime spree occurred just before today's level of incompetence set in at the F.B.I."

'I figured I've saved over $4000.00 in tips eating here.'