Quirky Conversationists Gifts

"So, you come here often?"

"I still say it's a napalm tree."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

"I find it disturbing when you breathe through your nose."

~ S.O.S.

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."