Quirky Conversation Lovers Gifts

"I find it disturbing when you breathe through your nose."

Listen. I'll change it in 30 - 60 days. Just use the yard until then.

Lance, I said if it's for me, I'm not here. It's not for you, it's for me. I'm not here, either.

'Don, I've got a confession to make - I didn't like you one bit when we met.'

'If that's a woman wanting to know what you're wearing, it's for me, despite the fact that your're naked.'

'No hot water? That's OK. I only take cold showers.'

'I don't think there's much more I can help you with, Mr. Krebbs...unless, of course, you want to talk about the bag thing.'

"Going early was a good idea. So was bringing our own bottle of wine, While we're on the subject, so was the wheel."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

Protest

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'Mom can I have another apple?'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten