Quirky Conversation Appreciators Gifts

'You've never cohabitated with an antipodal ding bat have you?'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

"I find it disturbing when you breathe through your nose."

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

'I see an applicant being hired!'

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?

'Did you get through to the speaking clock, Dear?' 'Tick and tock and tick and tock and tick...'

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

'How do you get to Bingling Bros. circus?'

'One of his spectacles is bigger than the other!'

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

"Going early was a good idea. So was bringing our own bottle of wine, While we're on the subject, so was the wheel."

'My advice; forget the elephant in the room - focus on the Quad Demy.'

"I know I keep coming back to your obsession with styrofoam peanuts, but there's a lot to unpack there."

Think we knew each other in a past life, Randy? I don't believe in past lives. In fact, I don't believe in the past. Or the future I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight? ... Sorry, that's Randy's line #42. Reflex. Wait, let me write that down.

"Sometimes I get a craving for sushi."

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

"You draw clip-art? What a coincidence - I write Muzak!"

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

"Dad, where did I come from? The stork?"

The social isolation of the entomologist...

"Would you describe your gall as mitigated or unmitigated?"

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

'Don't look now Muriel. But that Polyphemus guy has been giving you the eye all night.'

"Don't stare at his massive claw. . . don't stare at his massive claw. . ."

'What are you doing at the weekend?'

Sometimes I imagine there's a man behind me, staring at me. That's crazy. Who said that?!?!?!

The Man Who Couldn't Say "When."