Quirky Coach Gifts

'They're both great quarterbacks, but I chose Matt as my starter because he's dating a celebrity!'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Home Schooling'

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

'This is impressive, Roberts, but I'm not sure that it qualifies as work-place leadership.'

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

"Jenkins, come in and pull up a bean bag."

Joint Ventures!

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

"Good to have you aboard. Now, let's meet some of the oddballs weirdos and eccentrics you'll be working with."

"However, should the need arise at Cyber-Biogenetics, for a trusty sidekick, we have your resume on file."

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

Self-Employment

"My doctor told me I should start working out."

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

"Would someone dim the lights? I'm about to launch into the paranoid and conspiratorial portion of my report."

"No more Dr Nice guy"

Skier.

The team wondered if he would ever fit in.

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

'Dad demonstrates for an hour and then we go home - what happens in your swimming lessons?'

Benjamin Franklin

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'