Quirky Coaching Gifts

"Have you considered the potential advantages of having a professional coach?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'This is impressive, Roberts, but I'm not sure that it qualifies as work-place leadership.'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Jenkins, come in and pull up a bean bag."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

"Good to have you aboard. Now, let's meet some of the oddballs weirdos and eccentrics you'll be working with."

Self-Employment

"My doctor told me I should start working out."

"Would someone dim the lights? I'm about to launch into the paranoid and conspiratorial portion of my report."

Benjamin Franklin

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

"I'm in advertising. . ."

'Now THIS is my idea of a creative department.'

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."

'Today's lesson - how to slam a door.'

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"

'They're both great quarterbacks, but I chose Matt as my starter because he's dating a celebrity!'

"I'd fire him in a minute, but the old man thinks we need his unique perspective around here."