Quirky Counseling Gifts

Marriage Counselor: 'I say it ain't cheatin', if it's a different species!'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

Quick! 5-second rule!

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

COVID tips from Wild Animals

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

You're making me very angry right now, Al. Did you know that before Rorschach came up with his inkblot test, he had one that involved blood spatters?

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'And now Patrick will tell us how music has helped him with his problems.'

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

An unlicensed acupuncturist

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'I'm worried, Master has suddenly developed a morbid obsession: He asks me to play dead all the time now...'

"And how long have you had this superiority complex?"

'They're both great quarterbacks, but I chose Matt as my starter because he's dating a celebrity!'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'No, no, the pills don't have any medication to improve your balance. You'll just get steadier on your feet by trying to catch pills that are thrown to you.'

Off the wall legal advisor.

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Multitasking: Psychiatry and Podiatry.

'I can't enjoy the stuff I steal because I set fire to it all.'

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disciplines you, counselor. No problem, your honor. I just happen to have some furry handcuffs in my pocket.

Saturday was fantasy dysfunctional relationship day.