Quirky Counseling Pillows

Marriage Counselor: 'I say it ain't cheatin', if it's a different species!'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

COVID tips from Wild Animals

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'And now Patrick will tell us how music has helped him with his problems.'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'They're both great quarterbacks, but I chose Matt as my starter because he's dating a celebrity!'

'I'm worried, Master has suddenly developed a morbid obsession: He asks me to play dead all the time now...'

"And how long have you had this superiority complex?"

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Off the wall legal advisor.

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Multitasking: Psychiatry and Podiatry.

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

Saturday was fantasy dysfunctional relationship day.

"I'm going to prescribe you four metres of bubble-wrap three times a day."