Quirky Therapist Pillows

'Everyone accuses me of being a 'control freak'.'

"I haven't seen my partner since washing day June 2012..."

'Or, you could save yourself a fortune and just sweep it all under the rug.'

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

'I could make a lot more progress treating your kleptomania if you'd stop swiping my notes after every session!'

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

"I'm going to prescribe you four metres of bubble-wrap three times a day."

"Now tell me, how long have you believed you are a cat?"

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'Home Schooling'

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

Odd Spas

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'Dad demonstrates for an hour and then we go home - what happens in your swimming lessons?'

'Think Basics.'

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

Fakir Shrink.

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'And now Patrick will tell us how music has helped him with his problems.'

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

"Hang on a second! This nutcase is allowed on the furniture, but I'm not?!"

"And how long have you had this superiority complex?"

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'I'm worried, Master has suddenly developed a morbid obsession: He asks me to play dead all the time now...'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

Off the wall legal advisor.

Multitasking: Psychiatry and Podiatry.

Saturday was fantasy dysfunctional relationship day.

'They canceled school today -- the teacher couldn't find her hand puppets.'

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'