Quirky Therapy Enthusiasts Pillows

'It's for teenage girls.'

Licensed Therapist

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

"No heroic measures."

Psychoanalyst turtle trying to help turtle patient come out of shell

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

'Just because they're afraid of you, it doesn't mean they don't like you.'

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

"I guess I'll never understand women."

"You do realise that you are not the only client scheduled this morning?"

Fakir Shrink.

"One coping mechanism I suggest to deal with uncertain times is to eat as much as you can, gain a lot of weight, and then go have a nap for six months or so."

"....At least we don't have to put quarters in this hot tub."

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

'And now Patrick will tell us how music has helped him with his problems.'