Quirky Therapy Enthusiast Pillows

An unlicensed acupuncturist

Bang Balls.

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

'And now Patrick will tell us how music has helped him with his problems.'

"His psychiatrist thinks this will help with his self-confidence."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

X-ray Psychology.

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'We have three minutes left.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"You need to stop bottling it up."