Quirky Therapist Gifts

'Everyone accuses me of being a 'control freak'.'

"I haven't seen my partner since washing day June 2012..."

'I can't enjoy the stuff I steal because I set fire to it all.'

'Or, you could save yourself a fortune and just sweep it all under the rug.'

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

'I could make a lot more progress treating your kleptomania if you'd stop swiping my notes after every session!'

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

"I'm going to prescribe you four metres of bubble-wrap three times a day."

"Now tell me, how long have you believed you are a cat?"

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'Home Schooling'

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

Odd Spas

You're making me very angry right now, Al. Did you know that before Rorschach came up with his inkblot test, he had one that involved blood spatters?

Quick! 5-second rule!

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'Dad demonstrates for an hour and then we go home - what happens in your swimming lessons?'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

Fakir Shrink.

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

'And now Patrick will tell us how music has helped him with his problems.'

'Think Basics.'

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

"Hang on a second! This nutcase is allowed on the furniture, but I'm not?!"

'I'm worried, Master has suddenly developed a morbid obsession: He asks me to play dead all the time now...'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"And how long have you had this superiority complex?"

Off the wall legal advisor.

Multitasking: Psychiatry and Podiatry.

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"