Quirky Counselor Gifts

Off the wall legal advisor.

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Beach psychiatrist.

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

'One of his spectacles is bigger than the other!'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

'My advice; forget the elephant in the room - focus on the Quad Demy.'

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'They're both great quarterbacks, but I chose Matt as my starter because he's dating a celebrity!'

'I'm worried, Master has suddenly developed a morbid obsession: He asks me to play dead all the time now...'

"And how long have you had this superiority complex?"

'Don't look now Muriel. But that Polyphemus guy has been giving you the eye all night.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"I'm going to prescribe you four metres of bubble-wrap three times a day."

Saturday was fantasy dysfunctional relationship day.

"What kind of tea do you want - sleepytime, barkytime or buttsniffytime?"

'Everyone accuses me of being a 'control freak'.'

"So to summarise our qualitative study results... your product is like a 'rainbow of French squirrels followed by a small popping noise'."

'Then it's agreed. You give sun, water and carbon dioxide and in return, you get oxygen.'

'Believe me, McFarland, I can appreciate a man who marches to the beat of a different Drum, but you don't march, you boogie!'