Quirky Counselor Gifts

The short attention span support group will be meeti...

Off the wall legal advisor.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disciplines you, counselor. No problem, your honor. I just happen to have some furry handcuffs in my pocket.

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Beach psychiatrist.

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

You're making me very angry right now, Al. Did you know that before Rorschach came up with his inkblot test, he had one that involved blood spatters?

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

'My advice; forget the elephant in the room - focus on the Quad Demy.'

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

'One of his spectacles is bigger than the other!'

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'They're both great quarterbacks, but I chose Matt as my starter because he's dating a celebrity!'

'I'm worried, Master has suddenly developed a morbid obsession: He asks me to play dead all the time now...'

"And how long have you had this superiority complex?"

'No, no, the pills don't have any medication to improve your balance. You'll just get steadier on your feet by trying to catch pills that are thrown to you.'

'Don't look now Muriel. But that Polyphemus guy has been giving you the eye all night.'

'I can't enjoy the stuff I steal because I set fire to it all.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'